T e n months… of you smiling with the brightest 2-toothy grin while your arms and legs kick and flail. It’s any day until you’re crawling and you’re always pulling those slobbery fists towards your mouth. We’re just obsessed with you, darling.
Happy 10 months, baby girl! This has been such a big month for us. You’re on the verge of doing way too many new things and I can barely stand it. I think I internalize all of these brand new “firsts” for you as my “lasts”. Since you’re my forever baby, a twinge of pain always seems to creep in when we’re overjoyed to watch you do new things. Like, you just started waving at yourself in the mirror. And I’m a sobbing mess right now just thinking about it. On one hand, it’s SO MUCH FUN to laugh with you and feel overjoyed at these new tricks you learn. I can see you’re proud of yourself. And your daddy and I glance at each other while both grinning from ear to ear. It’s just. so. fun to experience these new milestones with you. And then my stomach turns to knots and my breath gets short when I realize WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON. My baby is growing up. She’s slowly transitioning out of the infant stage. And it stings. Let’s be real though, you’re sleeping at night. All night. Nothing is as tough as functioning on the tiniest bits of sleep with a newborn. And if I ever think in hindsight “it wasn’t that hard”, I’ve forgotten how hard it truly was. Haha! Which happens with time. We forget how those highs and especially the lows really feel. And when I recognize those highs coming at lightning speed, the twinges of pain are right there, too. Soaking up the goodness + pure joy + side glance to my sweet husband. Embracing the goodness of babies and children. I don’t believe we’re meant to feel good all the time. Maybe not even half the time. And I’m thanking my lucky stars for the perspective of being a seasoned mother to tiny ones. I can’t imagine I appreciated my 1st baby as much as I do now. My older 3 are no longer babies and that flew by too fast! The longest + shortest years of my life. Isn’t it odd how that seems to work?
Click to see her…
You’re loving your siblings. Especially your biggest sister who seems to be the only one to not “harass” you. Musical rhymes are your jam. Any time I start singing “patty cake- patty cake” your eyes light up and your arms start flailing. Then again, your arms and legs are always flailing! It’s the funniest thing, you’ve always done it but you’re the 1st baby of mine to do it. You’re STILL not crawling!!! This cracks me up and I know I’m to blame. Proudly to blame 😉 . Your big sister was walking at 7 months. That kept me busier than all get out. Take your time baby girl, this mama won’t rush your timeline. You’ve also got 2 bottom teeth! All gummy smile on top. And boy do you love to flash the cheesiest smile to new friends. Daddy calls you “scrunch face” because of that. You take about 2 naps each day. You’re still nursing 4-5 times a day. You’re taking bottles great when I’m out. You’re super finicky when feeding solids. You loved pureed fruits but not veggies. You love solid veggies but not fruits. You love meat. You just started sipping water through straws for fun. Some days you like solids and some days you don’t. I’m hoping you’ll get a bit more predictable with time.
I’m finding myself struggling on a rollercoaster ride. I’ve had a difficult time putting time in to take care of myself. Eating relatively healthy hasn’t been happening, exercising hasn’t been either. By the time I get Savannah off to school, feed breakfasts to the twins, clean up, nurse Avery, introduce way too many foods to Avery to see which one she’ll try, quickly respond to a few emails…. I’d like to pop on over to the gym to exercise but it’s time to get Avery to bed. And to be honest, I’ve felt way too tired to go ahead and exercise anyways. SOooo, I’ve been putting my needs on the back-burner in so many ways. And after a few meltdowns I’ve figured out a way to get past my excuses and make it all happen. Baby steps. Less work and more me time. Hiring help. Accepting that the way I feel and think about my situation is completely up to me. I don’t have to have a clean house. I don’t have to spend time with my kids. I don’t have to feed my family. I don’t have to work on blogging or keep my Instagram updated. I don’t have to communicate with my husband. I don’t have to do anything. But I do want a healthy family. I do want my kids to know that I love and value them. I do want to maintain a special and beautiful relationship with my hubby. I do want to feel strong and healthy. So, when I shift my perspective from “I have to do this-and-that because, obviously.. I just have to” and replace it with “I WANT to do this-and-that because I value that in my life” then it makes those daily choices not become so difficult and hard. I don’t resent doing any of those things. I’ve found power and control in every part of my life when I accept that self-pity doesn’t serve me. When I refuse to stay in places where I think life is happening to me instead of the control being in my hands. This IS the life I dreamed of having. I’m literally living my dream. And it’s a lot of mental thought-work on my end EACH day to stay in a place of gratitude, abundance, and love. To love even when I don’t feel lovable. To feel gratitude for my life even when things feel far too overwhelming. And to feel abundance even when I want to feel empty and as if I don’t have enough to give. I choose to feel the good because it’s the reality I want to have. And then suddenly, that reality I choose to embrace becomes my constant perspective. Daily thought-work, y’all. Life-changing for me. Action step 1: Wake up 30 minutes earlier to be ready to make it to the gym. I’ll let you know how that goes! (For my favorite tips on making exercise a priority click HERE FOR THIS POST….I needed to re-read this myself!)
My darling friend Emily over at Olive Rae Handmade has THE best eye for designing all things floral. She’s the eyes and hands behind Avery’s monthly floral numbers. We used preserved willow eucalyptus, preserved roses, cabbage roses, and preserved san weiban. This combination is stunning. This has been the most fun, monthly tradition! It was a lot more difficult when I did this with my twins, haha. 2 babies crawling everywhere. And I have Emily designing the flowers and shooting the photos while I just try to pull out the personality from this sweet girl. Only 2 more months to go, baby girl!